meddling in relationships

It’s now bloody hot in London; I usually leave a window open day or night.  And every time I do, this bug flies in, I swear it’s the same one every time, I’m not being paranoid, it has it in for me, I know it. Here I am jejely trying to eat my eba and egusi (I’m not a big fan of eba but I’m too lazy to make anything else) and it keeps flying by. I have a thing for bugs, insects. Not a phobia, not a big thing like that,just a vehement dislike. Even if a harmless thing as a butterfly flies towards me, I don't hold my arm out and think 'awwww', I sprint the other way ASAP.  That’s beside the point though.

I just wonder at what point you decide your man is too possessive. I have dated a possessive guy before, he wanted to know where I was every minute, who I was with, if he didn’t know the person, I’ll have to provide WAEC essay to explain oh. And he was very paranoid as well, why do I have more guy friends than girlfriends, most times he would  show up unannounced just to see if I was where I said I was, or doing what I said I’ll be doing. He would constantly check my call log, emails, texts etc. I could go on forever oh; it was a definite no-no for me. Coupled with other more serious issues, we broke up after 2 years but that’s also beside the point.

I know this certain girl whose boyfriend is just like that and more so. He tells her what to wear, who to have in her house, he doesn’t want her going out, and he tells her who to hang out with, he even tells her what to eat cos he doesn’t want her putting on weight. I mean he wants to be in total control and maybe it’s just me and some of my issues talking but isn’t that way too much? And she is asking me if she should leave him or not.

Fact is I don’t meddle in peoples relationships, only the two of you know what happens behind closed doors, so putting my two cents in is basically useless so I don’t bother but apparently that answer is not satisfactory. She requires a yes or no. I really don’t want to get involved. I think she should, but voicing it out is too hard for me, we are not the same people, maybe u can tolerate what I can’t and vice versa. Besides my opinion shouldn’t really matter, no one can tell you if to leave a guy or not, it’s up to you na, what do you feel? Chai, young people self. 

Plus I’ve meddled in a friends relationship once before, unwillingly I might add (not that she had a gun to my head or anything) but her bf was cheating on her and almost everyone else knew and I felt if I was in her shoes, I’d like to be told so I opened my stupid mouth and said something. And when she confronted him, she had to mention that I told her so, after all d sweet talk and whatever else they did 'behind closed doors', she was back with him, and for some reason stopped talking to me, like I made it all up. She started talking shit to my bf at the time that I kissed this close friend of mine (very childish yes but alas we were young), and that was the end of our friendship. Oh and I did see her years later in a club in Sheffield on my brothers b-day, and well I’m not one to hold a grudge plus I’m 23 years old jo, I don’t have time for games, so I bought her a drink and we danced and laughed,  and all’s been forgotten. Well by then she was claiming virgin who found God but 4 those of us in the know............... hahahaha.

So back to my point, who is able to put up with such possessiveness? Or am I making an issue out of nothing.

stupid men

Its 7pm and my phone started to ring, I looked at the number, didn’t recognise it. Well, I had previously lost all my contacts so i picked the call. It was Mo, my heart stopped, how dare he call me after what happened? What did he want? ...................

It was April and I was house-hunting. I was on my way to see a house when the landlord called me to say he just gave the flat away (it’s been that way for weeks). He asked where i was, and offered to take me to see another property. I explained where i was and he came in a black Mercedes and picked me up; he introduced himself as Mohammed. He seemed funny, we had a good laugh. He shows me the flat which i didn’t like so he took me home and promised to call me if anything becomes available, i thanked him and went on my way.

The next evening i received a call from him, i was thinking, oh yeah, maybe he has a flat he wants to show me but instead he had called to see if i wanted to see a movie...long pause. Firstly he is from Dubai, I’m not racist, but truth is if you’re not black (or at least have a hint of black) and you ask me out, the automatic response is no, and secondly he was in his 30’s, uhm, way too old. And yes i do realise I am being a little narrow-minded on this issue.  I did agree to go after some persistence on his part.

Two days later, he comes and picks me up right on time and we went to the movies. It was fun, we laughed and joked, i had a lovely time until the movie was over.  We were in the car and he asked if i wanted to go somewhere else, we could go to his house for a drink and i said no. So we sat in the car just talking and he offered to push my seat back so I can relax, before i could answer back, the seat was down and he asked for a kiss, I leaned over to give him a kiss (my intention was on the cheek), i didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, i really was not attracted to him at all but as i leaned in, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and before i knew it he was on top of me , in the fucking car. I tried to push him off; i tried so hard but he was latched unto me like a tick. And before i knew it his hands were everywhere, touching me. For a small man, he was pretty strong, now i know why he parked so far away from other cars. I kept trying to push him off and he kept trying to push my legs open, and then i got a hold of his hand and grabbed a finger, twisted it so far back till i heard a crack. Then he screamed and let go, asking ‘’what did i do that for’’. Uhm okeeey, i agreed to a movie not to be assaulted, did u not feel me pushing you off and trying so hard to scream? And he replied ‘he thought i was just trying to feign hard to get, he knew i would eventually give in. Apparently he has dated black girls before, which brings me to another issue, why do a lot of men make that assumption that black girls are easy, it enrages me. well i'm glad i broke his finger. 

Which brings me back to why he called; he was sorry, he was out of line, blah blah blah, can we go out again? Mo, 3 words, no fucking way.

bored again

So i am going to dance around, have a mini concert in my room, ummi live from leabridge road ft trey songz, beyonce and bon jovi, unfortunately Robbie Williams cant make it today (sigh). Constantine shouldn’t complain much (he is the downstairs neighbour). So my friend and i were chatting on BB, and she says to me, youth doesn’t last forever, do and get married. And apparently she has found me a husband. And just FYI, i don’t need help finding a man (no really i don’t lol). Apparently, i have commitment issues, i see it differently, besides everyone has issues right?. Anyways, so this guy she has for me may be too nice for me (her words not mine), which might be true, nice and me don’t mix. I’m not saying i like bad boys (ok maybe a lil bit) but truth be told, there is such a thing as too nice, in my opinion anyways. And she absolutely agreed, apparently if i’m with a nice guy, i will give him low self-esteem and some other mental problems (sadly the mental problems part might be a lil true) but anyways, i disagree with the self-esteem issue, i am not a ball buster of any kind (really im not, trust me on this). Hhm, this should be some kinda record, 2posts in a day, but there’s nothing to do but lie in bed and the substitute for my depression is ranting aimlessly here when no one is listening. It really is therapeutic, i feel so much better now.

bored

Its 14:46 pm and i am bored outta ma mind. Its a beautiful sunny day and i am still in bed, its so quiet and peaceful, i could hear myself think, i dont like that very much so i open a window, just to hear the bustling of people on the streets and the honking of buses passing by. Not sure what to do with myself all day. I did manage to go see yellow yesterday like i promised, I call him yellow cos of his complexion (dts obvious right?). This sounds very cliché but he makes everything seem ok. Will be going to nigeria in a week, i have mixed feelings about that, but it cant be all bad right? My thoughts are all over the place. I'll stop now.

seeming fear

I woke up today with a heavy heart. D reason; I can't fathom. I feel this anxiety, this crippling fear dt is keeping me in bed. But I stiLl can't imagine what I'm afraid of. I went to bed after stuffing my face with so much junk. Apparently its stress eating. I am done with exams, nothing to do, I am as unstressed as should be. I'm not bored either. And I'd like to imagine aspects of my life are going ok, not great but just ok. Somehow I feel this isn't where I should be at this point in my life but I feel powerless to change it. Is that what I am afraid of, afraid that I no longer have control of my life? I still lay on my crisp white sheet and feel nothing but anxiety. I don't want to get up, I really dont