goodbye grandpa

It’s always sad losing someone you love. I got a message from my dad telling me that my grandpa died at 11.30pm, well, he tried calling but i was asleep at the time so he left a message and it was the first message i got when I got up in the morning, least to say that it was the beginning of an awful day. We weren’t particularly close, what with me being all the way in the Uk, with school and all: even when I was home, we lived in different states but he was an amazing man who lived a full life, and essentially, he is where I came from. The kind of strength he possessed, and the way he lived his life was an amazing inspiration to us all until the disease of age caught up with him. He lost the ability to do anything for himself but we all remembered him for the warrior he was, and the strength he had for protecting his family. It was heartbreaking not to able to be there to say goodbye but I took solace knowing that he was surrounded by friends and family that loved him and I’m sure he knew I did too.

I believe in God for so many reasons and one of them is that we live in a world that has so much pain and hurt, I’d like to believe that there is something else out there that makes the suffering have some sorta meaning.

People who are atheists, I always wonder what their motivation is for doing good, how they find the strength to go on after a tragedy when they believe that after death, there is nothing further. I do believe that there is a heaven and hell, and I’m certain for the life he lead that grandpa would be in heaven smiling down on us.

We all live our lives like there’s no tomorrow, not believing that our lives are not ours and can sooner be taken away. So if I’ve learnt anything from the hurt of losing someone   I love is to live life to the fullest and to make the most of all things in life. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do, live just like Grandpa D did, and try not to take things for granted. So adieu oh my beloved, I hope to see you again. 

boots boots boots

I know the weather is getting warmer but I can;t help but love these boots. So furry, with a tartan trim by mukluks. And for £200, all I can do is stare at this picture, oh I wish.

I hate DHL

I needed a new phone, nothings particularly wrong with mine but I just wanted a new one. So i ordered a blackberry from o2. Confirmation note said it'll be delivered on tuesday, (ordered it on the 31st but cos of Easter, it'll take longer to reach me). Anyhu, after ordering d phone, my old phone began to act up, touch screen chooses when it'll work, and i thought hey, good thing i have a new one on the way. Turned out, O2 uses DHL as their courier. Alot of people keep complaining about the service dhl offer, mainly that it sucks but what to do? I waited all day long, looking out the window, staring and people as they go about their bussiness, waiting, watching buses pass by, waiting, i even began to hallucinate, every van that passes by i'd swear it said DHL on it. I called several times, i was told i should wait till about 9 oclock and if it doesnt arrive then, i should call back. I didnt want to leave home just incase the courier arrived, so i stayed in till 9pm, sucker right? After then i tried calling and an automated service told me that due to a high amount of calls, they cant take any more so they can be able to deal with the calls, or something like that. which brings me here, im really pissed off and my phone hardly works. Figured, i should go out then, cos ive been wanting to eat a delicious handful of red seedless grapes. People crave chocolate and sweets and what not, is it weird that I crave fruit? Anyways, the fruit market was closed so i decided to pig out, and my idea of pigging out is really just making a very high fat sandwich, containing mayoinnase, butter, sweet corn and bread. My idea was to pig out on that but after two slices i was full. So after all my rambling, grumbling and kicking doors, a woman buzzed my flat at 22:45 waving a package. Turns out all the time i waited at home, racing to the door as soon as i heard the buzzer to find out who it is and it'll turn out to be just someone else, my parcel had been delivered to the wrong address, 4 houses away, even though the address on the package was correct. Anyways, atleast i have my phone.

heart uncovered

It is true about me, i have always been afraid to feel for fear of hurt.  In the process, i may have hurt others a lot so i can avoid this. I haven’t lost that fear yet, but I find that my heart has got a life of its own and its strongly going against my plan.

We all have that one person don’t we? The person we always go back to no matter what? Well, most of us anyways. He is my one, not ‘the one’ but i seem to have a special weakness for him, the one i find myself thinking of often. He was here recently, but he couldn’t stay, his scent still lingers though, makes my heart ache. You do not realise this, but this is very new to me, i have never felt this way, i can’t hide behind anything anymore because he sees right through me, I have always had a fear of being known. I have decided that i was happier without these feelings, i especially hate not being in control and i still have this sneaky suspicion that it will soon come crashing down, that’s how life works isn’t it, life, reality always gets in the way. I can’t even explain it to me, how possible is it that as cynical as I am, i am willing to give up a lot, to endure a lot. 

A good start to easter

On my profile, it says I have been on blogger since February 2009, but do I even have post? No.  I am now a woman on a mission; I am aiming to publish a post a day, if i can. I am having the most wonderful Easter holiday. I knew my day would be good, I received some beautiful tulips in the morning, which simply brightened up my tiny living room.  I love tulips, and mostly I love the smell of fresh flowers in my living room. 

Then a  really good friend whom I haven't seen in a while came to visit, and we had an amazing time. I ended up in club 40/40 in canning town where some drunk guy poured his drink on me but did that ruin my night? No. I simply went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up and was right back on the dance floor shaking my big behind. Migraine skank was blaring, and I heard ‘’show me how u get down’’and i was in the middle of busting a move when i found myself flat on myback (and no i wasn’t drunk, someone spilled her drink on the floor) and my really high heels didn’t help much, but i was tipsy enough not to have felt much pain. Did that spoil my night? Again, no. I am a trooper, i got up and still danced my ass off. And i believe I did it so well cos i got so many drink offers and that really helped numb the pain. So to sum up, I had a wonderful time.