things going through my mind

I had forgotten the allure of solitude, the beauty of darkness so dark it envelopes your being. But I remembered today, I remembered d seduction it enthrals; it’s just as seductive as the first taste of whisky or a virgin making love for the first time. First painful then feels so good. And after the first twig , u feel the tug at your extremities, and then d warmth courses down your body, making you want more. It starts to feel like a hug, its warm , soothing, comforting. And then you start to want more and more, and suddenly, it’s a way of life, it’s a guilty pleasure.

And it is weird for me to be needing such comfort: because I am the 24 yr old who has always taken care of herself, who has never been in love and therefore never have been heartbroken, who has gone through some very difficult things in life and being the private person I am, had gone through them all by myself and just kept up the stoic appearance with the personal mantra ‘’this too shall pass’’. It seems ridiculous now that I start to cling to so much emotion, insecurity, fear.

They say if you fall get up, not sure who ‘’they are’’ but sometimes it’s easier to stay down till you regain your strength.

It seems I have cried so much in the past couple of months than I have during my entire adulthood and at the time, it might have seemed like a life n death situation that I didn’t share with any1, not that I had no one to talk to, that was my trust issues leading me. And I guess it was a learning curve 4 me, learning to open up, to open myself to showing emotion, and now, I am not sure what good it’s doing me cause letting myself feel these emotions is making me an emotional wreck.

And they also say ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger', what they don’t tell u is that it kills a piece of you, a piece that you might never get back.

Love, sex and relationships from my perspective

P.S forgive me if my trail of thought is all over the place.

Gone are the days when people think if by 25 a woman is not married, there is something wrong with her. Now, 21^st century women are generally stronger and more independent; delaying marriage and focusing on their careers. And in this century, sex is no longer taboo, it is everywhere and it is openly discussed. Consequently, more and more women are adapting to a no-strings-attached sexual relationship. And why shouldn’t we?  As men are wired differently than women, SOME women need that emotional connection before they jump into bed with a guy, while men jump into bed just to satisfy an urge. Why shouldn't we also get that sexual satisfaction without any emotional baggage to associate it with?

 I do believe that more often than not, a casual relationship can only go on for so long with a particular person before one person either male or female starts getting attached. And before long, it might start feeling like a real relationship.

The problem arises when one person is in it for the sex and the other is expecting some type of commitment. And men are the guilty party here; they are almost never honest about their intentions. If females are in it just for the sex, no straight guy in his right mind will say no to that. Maybe i may be generalising but a woman would like to be told upfront what the deal is, that way, the ball will be in her court, if its a casual sex relationship u r after, she’ll let you know if she’s up for it or not. But i guess after sex and the cuddling and possibly breakfast in bed, she might start to feel that tug in her heart, something she might try so hard to ignore but eventually while her head is screaming noooooo, her heart might take on a life of its own , and suddenly she'll feel like it could be a real thing when the other person really is not up for it.

A reason why we (mostly Africans) think love and sex go hand in hand is because we are brought up to believe our virginities are sacred and it authenticates our purity and losing our virginity before marriage is like eating the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. But as we get older, relationships get harder and harder. Things get more complicated, people carry more baggage, and we women expect more and more from men. That might be the time we start to think that love and sex could be mutually exclusive and we should. 

Personally I would feel less betrayed if my significant other had a casual sexual relationship than an emotionally connected relationship.

And it’s not that there is a shortage of good men, we just sometimes have impossible standards for the guys we want to have relationships with and when that doesn’t work out, we end up getting emotionally attached to people we are having casual sex with, that’s how people end up settling for less than they want or deserve.

But my point is women are separating love and sex more and more. Some women use sex solely as a tool to get what they want, other women use sex to satisfy a need and  a lesser percentage of women are holding out for real love.

Remember though, if you feel bad after having a sexual encounter with a guy, then it was definitely not the right thing to do, and I ask you this, why did you do it in the first place .

 If you only want a good time and don’t want to get emotionally attached then remember to cut all ties before it gets dangerous, and don’t ask me how, I am not your shrink.

My advice to some ladies, loosen up and have fun, if you want to do it, do it but it is however very foolish to expect some kind of everlasting love connection to ensue after a night of sex and guys, be happy that that fine piece of ass is giving you some and leave all judgements aside, this could be the most amazing thing you have ever encountered.

NOTE: this is pure speculation, I am not all women and I am certainly not a man and there is no moral to my rant, just have fun, do what you want and forget what society expects.