again

Alcohol lingers on my breathe every morning,I love it, it makes me feel good, better then awesome.  it makes the pain go away and then i can smile again. not the usual fake im-ok type of smile, this feels genuine. till wake up, sober and it starts all over again, its a  never ending circle. How do  i explain dt  i am in pain wen  im not even sure y half the time. maybe  i do, my pride will not let me say it out loud but its insecurity,I dont feel safe. but everyday iforgive, iforgive what you have done and what you  havent. I cannot and will not let this go, ours is of the heart and mind. it transcends the superficial. if only it can transcend the ugly traits of humanity, the jealousy, envy, selfishness and that ex of yours that you choose not to let go of.

wedding fever

Everyone is either getting married or adamantly searching for a husband. Notice I didn’t say ‘good husband’, some people just settle for whatever they can get. My cousin recently got married and I was part of the bridal train. We were looking good, if I may say so myself.

It was beautiful to share in their joy. All through the wedding process, you know………planning, shopping, etc my mother would passive-agressively (or passively-aggresively? my english is failing)ask when my wedding will be and each time I would smile and lovingly tell her “mummy, Gods time is the best” but in my mind I’m screaming, “mother, back off”. Is it weird to say that I have no intentions of getting married? Ofcourse I am kidding myself, I dont mean that literally ofcourse, I mean I havent met anyone in my 25years on earth that has made me feel like we could settle down together, FOREVER. I see a bride at the alter and I think, oh that’s just beautiful; but I don’t feel any tug inside me, any sort of longing that would suggest I want to be up there instead of her. Well, when the time comes, I will be hitched. Till then, when my mother claims I will give her high BP because I am not married, I will smile and lovingly tell her that theres a pill for that.